Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize