If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
