I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
