the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize