Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The power of my boobs compel you
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
