I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
