I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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