Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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