It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
