It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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