Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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