His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
