It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
