im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
