Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize