matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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