I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Sorry about my life...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
