I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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