but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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