I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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