i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I had to cum in my sink.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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