Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize