I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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