can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
