I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
