i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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