Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
