Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
