Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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