So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize