Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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