its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
