theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
