Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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