Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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