No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
