This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize