The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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