cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
