Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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