My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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