So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
birth control should be required to get into college
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
