I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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