I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
