I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
