TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
