Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
