Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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