he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I still have a little drunk in my system
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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