All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
third nipple confirmed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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