mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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