He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
