just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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