Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
