I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
