so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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