i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
