How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
