kristin has been a bad kristin
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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