She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
