I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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