Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
