I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We don't watch enough power rangers
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
