Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
