i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
