New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
