Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
