when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
