just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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