there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
