Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
