i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
