So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
