Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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