I think i peed on brittanys purse
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
