Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
