Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize