Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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