I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
