The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
These tits shall not be calmed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
