He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
