I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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