Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize