So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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