Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
