he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She bit a glass in half.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
