You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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