What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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