i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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