im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
