She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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