i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize