Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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