hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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