are you still at the devil's house?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
