I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
