from now on my penis is your penis
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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