About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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