Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
