I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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