Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
