wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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