No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
