FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
