She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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