either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
