Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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