I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
