A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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